The reasons behind keeping the 'secret' of my return to school (I didn't tell ANYBODY until I was already attending classes) are shrouded partly in insecurity – about my age, my capacity to take this on at this point in my life, my uncertainty about my own determination - but are mostly due to the fact that I don't have a plan. And people don't respect the lack of a plan. It's not efficient. There's no accountability. When I first started to disclose that I had returned to post-secondary studies, my news was invariably met with "What are you going to do with that?" And people were not satisfied with my answer of "more than I'm doing without it." So I made up an answer that satisfies social convention (yet still avoids expectations) – I say that I couldn't afford to finish my degree way back when and now I finally can; and it has the bonus of a built-in excuse for dropping out. It provides the accountability people need to accept my decision. (The irony is not lost on me that I use a white lie to gain accountability!)
They say that 40 is the new 30 (and I'm only 39) and that 3 is the new black (referring to number of children.) If that's true then I am the epitome of fashionable... but my classmates may argue otherwise as there's no hiding the fact that I am the oldest in the class. And if by some chance my classmates are blind, my age comes out in my confidence to speak up in class. (How's that for more irony? Confidence and insecurity - but I'm not insecure about what my classmates think about me.)
So here I am trying to set an example for my three kids, one of whom I'm in a race with to get my degree. I'm old, unsure, without a plan but earning As – something I didn't put much focus on when I was younger. Why exactly am I blogging about it? Because my mother told me to (another thing I didn't put much focus on when I was younger.) I think she's just looking for a roundabout way to ask me what I'm 'going to do with that.'
They say that 40 is the new 30 (and I'm only 39) and that 3 is the new black (referring to number of children.) If that's true then I am the epitome of fashionable... but my classmates may argue otherwise as there's no hiding the fact that I am the oldest in the class. And if by some chance my classmates are blind, my age comes out in my confidence to speak up in class. (How's that for more irony? Confidence and insecurity - but I'm not insecure about what my classmates think about me.)
So here I am trying to set an example for my three kids, one of whom I'm in a race with to get my degree. I'm old, unsure, without a plan but earning As – something I didn't put much focus on when I was younger. Why exactly am I blogging about it? Because my mother told me to (another thing I didn't put much focus on when I was younger.) I think she's just looking for a roundabout way to ask me what I'm 'going to do with that.'
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